“Continue to love. Continue to forgive. Continue to grow.”
I think we can all be a little hypocritical when it comes to forgiveness. We expect others to easily and effortlessly forgive us, but when the tables are turned, we can be completely resistant to forgiving others. Forgiveness is tricky because it is something that takes place in our minds. I used to believe that I had to forgive people who broke me in order to heal and ultimately, move on. However, I now understand that what I actually need is to forgive myself.
Forgiveness for a Broken Heart: We have all been there. You think you have found “the one” and the next thing you know, you are left in the dust, feeling all alone, with a broken heart. Your soul is crushed and you feel utterly lost and completely confused. Will I ever feel that happy again? The answer is always yes. Happiness is something that comes from within. It took me quite some time, but I have learned to accept that I have zero control over the unpredictable actions of other individuals. Happiness is a result of your mindset. You should rely on other people to enhance your happiness and not to be the primary source of your happiness.
When I began picking up the pieces of my broken heart, I realized I had allowed someone else’s life and future to become more important than my own. How did I allow myself to get to that point? I spent months (yes, months) overanalyzing every part of our relationship. I ran hundreds of scenarios through my head and became so wrapped up in the “what if I would have said or done this?” You can’t put a timeframe on “getting over” something. I also knew that I did not want to end up being the type of person who “can’t trust” because one person broke all of the promises they made to me.
He did not provide me with closure, so I had to find my own closure through self-forgiveness. Ultimately, it does not matter why he chose to leave me. We all get to make our own choices and sometimes things just can’t be explained. He never asked for my forgiveness. For the longest time, I believed I had to forgive him in order to feel whole again. The solution for a broken heart is to forgive yourself. You put your whole heart into what was an exciting adventure. Forgive yourself. You have a better understanding of who you want to be and who you want to be with. Forgive yourself.
He still crosses my mind and I will wonder if he kept my handwritten letters or the canvas I spent an entire weekend painting, pouring my love for him into every single brush stroke. But then I have to stop my mind from wandering too far down a road with no future. There is no use in reliving memories that do not positively contribute to my future.
Love is not what hurt you, the person who did not really know how to love you is why you feel betrayed. It is not about trying to fix yourself because you feel broken. It is about being presented with the opportunity to start over and create something that has the potential to be even better than your wildest dreams. I know I am not perfect but I work every day to become a better version of myself. I must forgive myself for my failed relationships and mistakes in order to grow. And in the end, that is more than good enough for me.
Forgiveness for a Broken Bond: There are certain people in my life that I have effortlessly connected with. We thrive on the same energy. We have been there for each other’s best and worst moments. Your vibe really does attract your tribe. Over the past few years, my circle of friends has really dwindled down. And yes, that was a conscious choice I made. It was a choice I needed to make to bring back balance to my emotional wellness.
It is difficult being around someone who is always negative. It is mentally draining to try and stay positive when you are surrounded by negativity. Their negative energy brings you down and before you realize it, you have started to pick up on their negative habits. Negativity does not make someone a bad person and you should not feel like a bad person for choosing to head down a different path. Forgive yourself.
Cutting people out of my life made me feel so guilty until I realized time is my most valuable resource. Unlike most tangible things in life, you just do not know how much time you will be given in life. I want to make the most out of every moment in my life and I believe we should never feel guilty for valuing our time.
Forgiveness for a “Failed” Attempt: If you were to look at my transcript for my undergraduate career, you would see mostly A’s and B’s. Now I say mostly because on that transcript, an accounting class will quickly jump out at you to reveal I also received an F. I went to every lecture, read every chapter, completed the homework assignments, and then miserably failed every test.
At the time, I blamed my professor after he showed a lack of interest in really helping me discover ways to be more successful. I had the opportunity to drop the class, but I wanted to prove to myself that I could overcome the obstacles presented by the course. Despite the fact that I was pouring myself into the class, I had nothing to show. I realized I only loved the challenges when my efforts resulted in successes.
Sometimes your best effort will not result in your desired outcome. Forgive yourself. I do not consider this experience a failure but chose to see it as a learning experience. After all the courses I had successfully completed through my academic career, this is the experience in school that I learned the most from. It completely changed the way I approached my classes because I became more focused on being open to truly learning.
I did not let a grade I received in one course define who I am. I learned to move forward with the assumption that I will continue to face challenges and persevere through failures because perfection is unrealistic. I believe I can further develop my basic qualities through continued efforts. Ultimately, I value all of my experiences, regardless of the outcomes because I will always find a way to forgive myself.
Incorporate Essential Oils: Did you know there are essential oils that promote feelings of forgiveness and understanding? Whenever I begin to start blaming others, feel judgmental, or become overly critical of myself, I reach for my “renewing blend.” This blend promotes letting go of bitterness, mistrust, and anger. We all make mistakes so just remember…we are all learning and growing together and kindness goes a long way. This forgiving blend includes Spruce, Bergamot, Juniper Berry, Myrrh, Arborvitae, and Thyme essential oils.
What are some of the ways you pursue self-forgiveness? Are there any specific essential oils you incorporate into your daily routine to promote forgiveness? I would love to hear your thoughts!